A-gong, I love you, I will always miss you…

I cried out so loud together with my mom when she delivered the news that my grandfather had passed away. Even though I had experience the loss of someone close, like my grandmother from my dad’s side and one of my aunt (in-law), however, this time it hurts me so much… Maybe before I kind of expected they would be leaving us soon, aunt was suffering from cancer and grandma was very old and was not ambulating well. Or more likely because they passed away not long after I saw them and hold their hands.

The last time I saw my grandpa was three and a half years ago. He was strong and healthy and his voice was still loud and clear, you can hear him from far before he enter the room. He was still always out and about on his bike. However, last year he was hospitalized and got all his children worried but after several procedures, he’s out from the hospital and functioning well. He’s 85, you kind of ready for that to happen…I guess…but who will be ready for the death of a loved one?, of their parents? My mom was crying out loud over the phone… My brother said my other aunt was crying uncontrollably and he could hardly hear her over the phone. My uncle trying to hold back his tears but I can hear his voice cracked when he was trying to comfort me that grandpa was already 85…and that he has been on & off with his illness…
I was crying with my mom and mumbling that I haven’t been able to go home for so long, and that after seeing my grandparents pictures in my cousin’s wedding recently, I had made up my mind to go home this year but now he will not be there…
I haven’t seen him for so long…and now he’s gone forever.

Most of my friends envy that I have the chance to live overseas but the reality is it’s not as good as it seems or imagined, most of us in overseas are so homesick but due to many circumstances we could not go home that frequent or some are stuck because of the document or the complicated immigration procedures…A few of the fortunate one are those who can go home every year.
I miss home so much. And I miss you, a-gong!